“OK guys let’s just jump right into it” When I wake up in the morning I start looking at my phone (though my wife don't like it) Scrolling down that timeline And it makes me feel eeeeuuuuooogh I see annoying people everywhere I don't know what they're doing hear I think I've had enough I think it's just time they… GET STUFFED If you take a selfie with your Bae GET STUFFED Instagram your breakfast every day GET STUFFED Selfie sticks Instagram chicks Un-solicited dick pics Hastag blessed Linkedin requests Living the best life Facebook event invites Dogface Filter Fake profiles on Tinder Kendall Jenner Attention-seeking behaviour Click-bait Fake news Real News Fake boobs Fishing for attention on social media Brexit Breitbart Airplane Farts K Mart Bottle Service Snapchat Air conditioning thermostat Roaming Charges Self-help gurus UNBOXING YOUTUBERS If you have emojis in your screen-name If you invite me to your candy crush game Ghost Producers Social Media Influencers Laptop DJS Headbanging at raves Rayban Spam EDM Fans Life Coach Gurus Bottle Service Grey Goose Put your hands in the air if you like festival breakdowns GET STUFFED If you’re DJing at Ultra & you shout “3-2-1 JUMP” And you do the Heart Hands If you play your music loudly out ya phone on public transport GET STUFFED If you go on constantly about how nandos is the pinnacle of chicken cookery GET STUFFED If you put a brass section and trumpets in your song If you’ve got a generic douchebag haircut Always messaging on tinder but you never give it up (oo woahawhaoh) If you wear those pre-ripped black skinny jeans with slits on the knees SLITS ON THE KNEES! Katie Hopkins Hairy Bikers Vegans, Juice cleanse Low cost airlines Flakers, haters, online trolls People that drop litter Everyone on Twitter Hedge fund managers on the guest list Mumble rappers Sparklers on bottles LADBible Videos People that say “LIT, and on fleek and Sick, and fam and bro!” People that steal my parking space people that go on about hot yoga all the time Love Island Antivaxxers Game Of Thrones Spoilers Restaurants that just microwave everything (GET STUFFED) Black Friday Sales People that don’t reply to my emails Moped Gangs Hipster organic fair trade sustainable craft beer People that cheat at call of duty People that text during movies Roadman Bags People that always order complicated coffees People that are always going on about Blockchain and cryptocurrencies People that kick my seat for the whole flight Pick up Artists Trigger Warnings Beards High Blood Pressure People that always go on about mindfulness and meditating Wasps, I hate wasps. “Ok guys thanks for listening, don’t forget to SMASH that like button it really helps our brand, I mean band. I’ll see you tomorrow when I upload fifty thousand videos”

“OK guys let’s just jump right into it” When I wake up in the morning I start looking at my phone (though my wife don't like it) Scrolling down that timeline And it makes me feel eeeeuuuuooogh I see annoying people everywhere I don't know what they're doing hear I think I've had enough I think it's just time they… GET STUFFED If you take a selfie with your Bae GET STUFFED Instagram your breakfast every day GET STUFFED Selfie sticks Instagram chicks Un-solicited dick pics Hastag blessed Linkedin requests Living the best life Facebook event invites Dogface Filter Fake profiles on Tinder Kendall Jenner Attention-seeking behaviour Click-bait Fake news Real News Fake boobs Fishing for attention on social media Brexit Breitbart Airplane Farts K Mart Bottle Service Snapchat Air conditioning thermostat Roaming Charges Self-help gurus UNBOXING YOUTUBERS If you have emojis in your screen-name If you invite me to your candy crush game Ghost Producers Social Media Influencers Laptop DJS Headbanging at raves Rayban Spam EDM Fans Life Coach Gurus Bottle Service Grey Goose Put your hands in the air if you like festival breakdowns GET STUFFED If you’re DJing at Ultra & you shout “3-2-1 JUMP” And you do the Heart Hands If you play your music loudly out ya phone on public transport GET STUFFED If you go on constantly about how nandos is the pinnacle of chicken cookery GET STUFFED If you put a brass section and trumpets in your song If you’ve got a generic douchebag haircut Always messaging on tinder but you never give it up (oo woahawhaoh) If you wear those pre-ripped black skinny jeans with slits on the knees SLITS ON THE KNEES! Katie Hopkins Hairy Bikers Vegans, Juice cleanse Low cost airlines Flakers, haters, online trolls People that drop litter Everyone on Twitter Hedge fund managers on the guest list Mumble rappers Sparklers on bottles LADBible Videos People that say “LIT, and on fleek and Sick, and fam and bro!” People that steal my parking space people that go on about hot yoga all the time Love Island Antivaxxers Game Of Thrones Spoilers Restaurants that just microwave everything (GET STUFFED) Black Friday Sales People that don’t reply to my emails Moped Gangs Hipster organic fair trade sustainable craft beer People that cheat at call of duty People that text during movies Roadman Bags People that always order complicated coffees People that are always going on about Blockchain and cryptocurrencies People that kick my seat for the whole flight Pick up Artists Trigger Warnings Beards High Blood Pressure People that always go on about mindfulness and meditating Wasps, I hate wasps. “Ok guys thanks for listening, don’t forget to SMASH that like button it really helps our brand, I mean band. I’ll see you tomorrow when I upload fifty thousand videos”